He might still be treating your relationship as a casual thing and assuming that you are too. If you want something more, you need to tell him how you feel. Even if he’s not on the same page as you, at least you’ll know and can move forward. Scenario 4: You’re just not sure if she’s still actively online dating by Eric Charles. I’ve been dating a guy for a month, we slept together recently and said we’d be exclusive. However, he still goes on blogger.com (this is how we met). I don’t know that he is · Scenario #1 You’ve been on multiple dates and it’s obvious you both like each other, but you’re not exclusive just yet. As you’re deleting old messages, you see she’s changed her So, he might like you and enjoy hes company even though he is still actively looking for a better match. He dating still actually needs to play the dating guy but dating a variety of women. · Here’s what I suggest: have an open, clear conversation with him about the kind of commitment you’re looking for. Don’t center it around whether or not he’s talking to women ... read more
He said he does not want to lead me on! He said maybe its best if we stop contact until after his surgery and hes well again which could be weeks! Then he said he may not get to his computer much to message me!. But he has a phone, why would he say that? It that a way to twist my brain? So I then thanked him and said im going out for birthday drinks. I left him a voicemail 1 hr later just one , its now sunday, he never called me back!!
The next morning I saw him in there at am, did some things, came back at am, he DELETED HIS ENTIRE PROFILE! So I went in and deleted mine as well! One guy got mad cause I wanted him to confirm IM hes still coming!! He already has pictures of me, I have sent by phone and I asked him that he had been online, he said it was because he was checking whether I had been online, I have left it a week and sure enough he has been online in the last 24 hours.
Just recently went through this on another site. We dated for two months, spent a lot of good times together, dinners out, movies, nights out with friends, and eventually sex was involved.
He told me that I made him very happy etc. Then he started pulling away, less texting, calls stopped, excuses started. I had a feeling he was lying to me about the excuses its happened before.
Seems likes bs to me. Well, I shut down my profile a week after meeting him. I just had a weird feeling to log in one day and see if he was online …AND HE WAS!!! He continues to be online at unusual times really late at night or early in the morning. If I make him happy, why look at others? Plus, he said he wanted space?
I deserve better. This guy i met online and he said he needed space to get over an ex. Its been 6 weeks no contact. His profile was still on but he took down his pictures and remained inactive for a month but just yesterday went online and reattached his pictures.
Anyway i think its A. Is he trying to test my reaction and call him out on it? Why do guys do this??? I thought he was a genuine nice guy.
YOU STILL DIDNT ANSWER MY QUESTION. I ASKED YOU WHY MATCH. this is her email!!! if not Ill call the cops. He told me he loves me and he said he meant it, and would never cheat on me, and I believed it.
He constantly went on dating apps to talk to other girls and he confessed to me and told me he cheated on me. I felt hurt because I thought I knew him and I thought cheating would be the last thing he would to do me.
I never thought he would do that to me because of all the words he had said to me about how much he loves me and so on. He said he is serious about me and called me wifey. He brought me to his parents but seem to be quite scared of letting his friends see me.
My boyfriend is very self-centered, which he also admitted. Sometimes I feel like he only cares about himself, pays a lot of attention on himself rather than on me now.
I even flew all the way just to get him to talk about this with me because I thought I had to talk about this with him. Since our last huge fight regarding him talking to other girls he said he had deleted the dating apps.
But he would still talk to a few girls he met on okcupid on whatsapp. Constantly texting them. I asked him why, he said because this girl called Dion had recently been to korea and he just wanted to ask information about traveling to korea.
So that obviously was an excuse. Although my trust to him is kind of broken but I still want to trust him again. We talked about this issue almost every night and I told him I feel hurt that he still talks to girls from dating app. Then I asked him if he wants to meet friends then why only talk to pretty slim girls but not guys? Why only pick pretty girls to talk to to be his new friend? Why does he stil want to meet other pretty girls?
After another conflict again his mind changed a bit. I said nothing, because minimizing still means he still gets to talk to them.
Although we are ok now but I just feel so helpless. My friends kept telling me to dump him. But what about me? Why are men like that? Hello, I read ur full story. I think you are the opposite of me although we share sth in common, I am also an observant girl when I am dating online, which is what I am doing now.
However, I would do the opposite if I found out the guy I am with is doing all these dating app things behind me. You have made him feel like you will never leave, and he can always get you back as long as he stops it for a while. What I mean is, dress up and make up urself everyday, keep yourself in the best condition, and go out to meet friends and new guys, and let him see these changes!
I donno if you have thought about this? If you want to make him become obsess with you, you should just go back to the one you were before, the one who attracted this guy to fall in love with you. If the guy looks at your profile, you get a notification. Seriously, grow up! The advice in this article is terrible. His actions are speaking louder than words. He wants something better, or someone else. Since that moment I knew I had to break contact with him since we were not on the same page.
I will have to trust his decision, and if I ever feel like my mistrust of him is too big to continue, I will let him know and I will break it off, just like I had intended the first time. This dating scene nowadays is tough , it is tempting not only to look around for other people because dating websites are just a click away, but snooping is easier as well, and very tempting.
I wish you all luck out there, be smart. Why did you let him talk you into staying with him? Your gut instinct was right. Life is too short to waste on second best relationships.
I would rather be single. I my name is susan like to call sue. I need to start looking for a honest guy. Iam 49 year old. Have four grow up children. Iam single. Was engaged to a man but he been cheating on me, please need to leave and start anew life, i lost myhusband in Now my life is tore up. I wish I could find an article more recent in regards to this topic.
I myself have been dating a guy for a little over a month. Well, curiosity killed the cat, so I created a fake profile and though his was hidden, there are ways to search and find it regardless. I realized he accessed his account and kept mum. I suppose my issue is that his profile IS hidden therefore does not show up in any searches, so why is he accessing his account?
If HE emails someone, they then have access to his profile and it can go from there. SO, why would he go and do something that would make me doubt him. Let alone make me feel like he is keeping me around until he finds something better.
You know the answer already. If you were your own best friend, what advice would you give yourself. Your gut instinct is right. Value yourself and find someone who wants you and no one else. I disagree with the advice in this article.
The guy HAS given her a reason to distrust him. He offered exclusivity, yet actively participates in an online dating community. and logging on IS participating. When a person last logged in is public information. Then Mr. How transparent is that. Plain and simple. Totally agree with you Moops. Well said. Trust is very hard and someone should give you reasons to trust! I agree with you Moops. I had been dating this guy I met online for 4 months. after the first month, we decided to be exclusive.
I told him I was taking down my match account. He said he would also. Not only did he not do that, he joined pof and meet me! I decided to still give him the benefit of the doubt. Yes he really said that! I said he was the one who was searching. and why did he update his profile? Girls, stop the madness!
I was honest with myself and realized I was only with him because I was lonely, and it is so hard to meet someone nice, but I was doing myself a disservice. Still trying to find the one….
totally agree with Moops!! This very thing happened to me. Wasted an entire year on this man. Gave him the benefit of the doubt in the name of trust and it was a bad decision. Now I not only wasted a year but have spent six months trying to recover emotionally and am going back into the dating scene with less trust. If he is logging in…… he is looking or communicating and the bottom line is… you will never be able to trust him completely because this will always be in the back of your mind.
you deserve better!!! Keep looking! A truly excellent reply. This article seems to expose a type of man that is rotten to the core and is capable of using women without any conscience. The whole interaction left me feeling sick to my stomach. I completely agree that if someone is still checking dating sites after committing to someone then they are leaving options open,stroking their ego,or seeing you as for now person Its disrespectful and breaks trust not builds it.
I met someone in my home area on an online dating site. We have gone out 3 times in two weeks, and have several dates already arranged for the coming week. We are both divorced and he has a child almost every weekend, so we typically do not see each other from Friday to Monday night. I took my profile off the site because I believe it leads to hurt feelings and in my little mind, why make him not trust me. What I did was set up a bogus account and I can see he is on the site each day, even after we have gone out.
He is on and off the site daily. There are times I have been on the phone with him or in the midst of sending a text back and forth when he is on the site. I really want to find out why men do this? If they meet someone and apparently things are going well, so what is up with men who need to see or chat with other women?
It was after telling him this that he asked me if I can go out with him on several days for the coming week. So what is up with men you meet online and how they still log in and show chat venue open. Thanks, Sammy.
I have been going through a similar situation and would really appreciate the feedback on here. Im 24 yrs old and im very attractive and have never been in a real relationship and crave that part of my life with someone special. I have been on the online dating scene for 3 yrs and have been on sooooooo many dates and havent found anyone who I am remotely interested in until 3 and a half months ago. When it comes to me and dating I think I have the worst luck and i cant even get past the 3rd date with someone so I am always walking on pins and needles each time.
But here is my situation:. He first told me that he wasnt looking for anything super super serious and i said well lets take it slow and see where it leads to. He was always treating me like i was his gf and i met one of his close friends and he took me and my sis and his friend out for dinner. I never had any guy treat me like that.
This guy always mentions me to his neighbors and friends but we dont have a label on it. He also talks about personal stuff with him and his whole family and i really thought we were connecting. I also attempted to lose my virginity to him. I never told him i was a virgin the whole time and then it just came out and he was at first mad but then he understood where i was coming from and i kept asking him if he was ok with me not being experienced and he said he was.
But always in the back of my mind it has been bothering me that i am inexperienced because he has been around the block and would leave me for someone who is great in the bedroom.
I am alsooo very very shy around him because i like him sooo much and i feel sooo out of place even when doing stuff in the bedroom. I just cant seem to snap out of being scared and shy when im with him.
Recently i just went on match and saw he was active within 24 hrs and im like wtfff. I feel sooo played but i dont wanna jump to conclusions and he hasnt contacted me in 2 days and im feeling like he wants to find someone who is way more experienced than i am. But the thing is we really connected and I dont think anyone can come close. Its sooo strange cause we started hanging out together times a week recently and he just cant stop staring at me at every moment wen im with him.
Im sooo scared to lose this guy and dont know what to think right now. All my friends that I ask think he is playing me and i dont know if i should even listen to anyone because everyone can have their different reasons. Im really falling for this guy and I never ever pressure him on anything cause i know men dont like to be pressured so i kind of take each day as it comes.
Yes, suspicion can destroy a relationship if it is unfounded. But sometimes suspicion is justified. Hana, this guy is looking around while enjoying you and wonderful qualities. Match and eHarmony screen pretty well, and if a guy has an active profile on a site like one of those, it usually and I would say A girlfriend or boyfriend can usually tell it the profile is real in any number of ways — if the profile has exact details about height and weight, the writing style that was used, etc…..
This girl is just going to get hurt. She should leave the guy ASAP. you could be experiencing something similar to what ive experienced before. ive literally in the past found dating profiles that i have never created using my pictures and details to create profile counts or other uses. other times a site will say i was online while i wasnt on it.
literally had one fight with an ex that calling me claiming im online on the dating site where we met and i was im my car driving, yet alone i dont have a smart phone with internet abilities. if you are looking for a issue, you will find it. The majority of these guys that get on these dating sites especially Match never get off. Many of them are not serious and they are addicted to Match and other dating sites.
I realized after 4 months of being on Match that this was not the venue to use to meet someone if you are interested in a serious long-term relationship. At some point they are going to get back on. Women would be better off meeting a guy in a traditional setting through work, a friend, museum, whatever. i agree!! online dating is a sickness and they need therapy or rehab. this is soooo sad.. Nine out of 10 times, no.
Cheaters dating assume that their likes are bulletproof. Nobody uses Tinder to make new friends. Tinder is for relationships and hooking up. If he tells you he was only active because he was browsing for buddies, tell him he should delete his app and join a local MeetUp group to have better luck.
Likes online are literally two people online for the other one likes make a move first. Remember that actions speak louder than words. This is hes important lesson in every relationship.
Having an active dating profile is literally the first and biggest mistake why could make. It takes dating seconds to deactivate a profile or delete an app entirely. Mistakes do happen sometime. He might enjoy the you more than the romance. Some guys like to impress girls but then get really bored when things are settled and comfortable. If things have been mediocre between you dating for some time, this is probably the smartest move why can make. Dump him and reactivate your own profile to find someone more worthy of your time.
You immediately connect with an awesome coach on text or over the phone in minutes. Just click here …. Adrienne Cosgrove. By Lyndsie Robinson. By Amy Horton. By Amanda Chatel. How It Works adam dating coach learn more here Contact Us About Us English Español. com A quick Google search on his user name revealed another three, all with very recent logins.
He Needs the Ego Boost Decide for yourself how long you are willing to wait for exclusivity. He Needs the Ego Boost By Averi Clements.
He or she might not be cheating, but they are definitely disrespecting you and your relationship. Has anyone ever found their significant other on a dating site? Or have you been the one caught on a dating site? Tell us about it.
However, he still goes on match. com this is how we met. Is this guy bad news or should I just relax and be fine with the fact that he still logs on to match. com at this point? This is thanks, in part, to your excellent comments and questions from the audience.
As such, some of the comments which I have preserved bring up points that I have since addressed in this revision. Right off the top, you mentioned that you and he have agreed to be exclusive.
How clear was his side of the agreement to being committed? But then I saw you kept logging in…. Life is complicated and the heart wants what the heart wants. If this is a misunderstanding, explain it to me. You rarely see me do that.
However, in this case, I feel that the conversation points I laid out above do more to instruct than even my explaining of my viewpoint would have…. So in this first section, I wanted to walk through getting clear on how committed he really is in the first place.
Everyone wins. When both people really want a great relationship, the relationship feels effortless. People are so quick to snap up something half-hearted and then try to make that half-hearted relationship into something more. Only you can decide if what you learn convinces you to keep participating in the relationship or not. You will never, ever know what the other person is doing at all times.
In this case, you know he goes on match. com because you can see it. But since the beginning of time, men and women have had to learn to trust one another in their relationship.
I can tell you from personal experience that this was a skill I needed to learn. In my past, there have been times when even though the relationship was good, my insecurity would eat away at me. A problem with suspicion and snooping is: the more you fear and suspect, the more that fear and suspicion eats away at you and creates more fears and suspicions!
This creates a vicious cycle that destroys trust in the relationship and ultimately causes a problem where there was none. At this moment, you are reading into the situation negatively, assuming that he has bad motives or could be playing you. It might, it might not. We have great instincts for this sort of thing. However, there are times where we ourselves are paranoid… perhaps because of negative beliefs we have or prior bad experiences.
I'm Eric Charles, the co-founder and co-editor of A New Mode. I love writing articles to help people free themselves from suffering and have clarity in their love life.
I have a degree in Psychology and I've dedicated the last 20 years of my life to learning everything I can about human psychology and sharing what gets people out of struggling with life and into having the life they really want.
If you want to contact me, feel free to reach out on Facebook or Twitter. Similar story, Daring a guy that I was serving hand and knees, he said we were boyfriend and girl friend.
After he said this and we finally had intercourse after two months he went a bot cold and stayed cold as I continued to do all these things for him. I got a bad feeling so I spied on his daring account made up a fake person I knew was his type and waited.
A week later I went to check and yes he was coming on to this fake person with one message after the next. I went to his home and asked him if he was on the daing site, he said NO! I had already at the beginning of our relationship told him that being on there while he is with me is unacceptable and he agreed to close his account.
He cost me so much! Did he ever respect me? And how could someone care but play you for a month like this? Went through something similar. Met someone on Match. com, we seemed to have instant chemistry, there was future talk, like adventures we were going to have, things we were going to do, trips we were going to take, repairs he was going to help me with in my home.
We slept together, third time together, it just happened quickly, I was not expecting it and I assumed it meant he was my boyfriend. This guy seemed like a good guy and genuine, hard worker, dad type. Well I checked match a couple of weeks later and noticed the little green circle that he had been on recently, I brought it up via text to him, he said he was only interested in seeing me, he wasnt looking for anyone else. I left it alone. I hid my profile and would check his and he didnt go on for about three weeks at all, this was during the height of COVID19 quarantine.
Two months in I checked again and found he had logged into match and also I found a zoosk account. What made me check was his hot and cold attitude toward me, his failure to deliver on any of the talk of things we were going to do, even stuff we could have done during quarantine, like the promised drive even to the beach or park. He stated he must have logged in by accident, after a fight and not speaking to him for a week we got back together with more promises from him.
He was going to delete both his accounts but they reactivated before he could, or so he said. His promises never panned out, It turned out I was driving back and forth to his home and we would have takeout, and be intimate. This dwindled from twice a week to once a week.
His texts dwindled. He said he was really busy at work. I checked his accounts after about another month and a half, he was recently active on both zoosk and match, I sent him a like from an old account I had on match just as a test, he answered back, this account didnt even have a photo! So I ended it with him, he told me it wasnt healthy for us to see each other anyway, because he didnt want the commitment I did and wasnt falling in love with me.
So this is just some advice, listen to your vibes, your gut feelings, dont make excuses in your head for anyone, dont try to just see the good, be realistic, it hurts to face the truth, especially when you are lonely, but ladies dont waste your time.
These men are on a constant quest for something better, alot of them have been hurt by their exes and they cant commit, dont want to commit, have unrealistic expectations, and perhaps want to inflect some pain on others because they are damaged. It shouldnt be this difficult. Then I went back in and created new profiles with a burner email and phone number. Even though I cancelled and deleted my profile on each site, they all still showed me as active. Keep in mind I was signing in from a totally different ip address with a totally different cell phone number and email address.
He asked to be exclusive after 2 weeks and I said yes. when told me he was on Match I told him he should get out of there. I confronted him by text and after 16 hours he send me this text.
I really like him and I want to make it work. Should I forgive based on his explaining? I have not once replied to any woman nor searched since we have been talking. If you dont believe me log into my acct and check for yourself. My password is xxxxxxx. I believe we have a strong relationship and have built trust with each another. So please feel free to go into my acct and do as you please.
Is this a valid answer? I have noticed that if you get email notifications from Match just opening one of the emails logs you in and shows you have been online. The email can be anything from here are your daily matches to a message from someone, and just touching or clicking the email causes it to open so be wary of jumping to conclusions.
I recently met someone on Match… We saw each othe twice and are planning to see each other again.. I then went on to say.. Hey there — I looked back at this article, which I wrote awhile ago, and I agree it missed some key points. What I wrote needed context and was missing the first section which really, really needed to be there.
So I agree with you guys, this needed improvement and I got around to it. As with everything, I write my opinions with the hope that it will help the readers be more effective in their love life… and when I feel something can be made better, I do it! If they address it and say ok we are exclusive then you both let it go and never log in to check on them without reason….
We met online and things are moving In a more serious direction. He told me about 2 months in that he deleted his account.
I logged on and saw that he was active. I think this is a breach of trust and I want to confront him gently. Ive been thru this anf r currently going thru this. My initial reacton was hurt and i approached him so wrong. I dont think he has physically cheated me hut the fact that he does continue to be active on these websites for whatever reason has real taken a toll on me emotionally and ofcourse the trust that have for him.
All this crap about it being ok anf find ouy first is straight crap. For me in aby relationship. I would hope and wish there would be a certain level of respect. And its all bad now. Unfortunately I think in this case Eric is giving women advise on how to give men exactly what they want, without the woman receiving what she wants.
· Here’s what I suggest: have an open, clear conversation with him about the kind of commitment you’re looking for. Don’t center it around whether or not he’s talking to women · 1 He Only Texts. Texting is the most convenient form of communication. Everyone from pre-teens to grandmothers use text messages to keep in touch. But there’s a reason why So, he might like you and enjoy hes company even though he is still actively looking for a better match. He dating still actually needs to play the dating guy but dating a variety of women. Dating but he's still online No i still has his online dating sites. Victor, six percent of people have a new question: acknowledge the number one person. Gave him online dating kansas by Eric Charles. I’ve been dating a guy for a month, we slept together recently and said we’d be exclusive. However, he still goes on blogger.com (this is how we met). I don’t know that he is He might still be treating your relationship as a casual thing and assuming that you are too. If you want something more, you need to tell him how you feel. Even if he’s not on the same page as you, at least you’ll know and can move forward. Scenario 4: You’re just not sure if she’s still actively online dating ... read more
Clients have told me the stories! I stopped checking his personal accounts and email after we got in a big fight about whether he was cheating on me or not. He or she might not be cheating, but they are definitely disrespecting you and your relationship. Also, Ronnie is the author of 6 books which are available on Amazon. All we flops.I wish I could find an article more recent in regards to this topic. If you talk about monogamy and he continues to look online, be honest with yourself. I am done with online dating, we are dating but hes still online, because the type of guys on there a good majority of them will always go back to it like a crackhead looking for a fix. Since our last huge fight regarding him talking to other girls he said he had deleted the dating apps. I have not once replied to any woman nor searched since we have been talking.